The Greatest Ongoing Food Debates of All Time… From The Food’s Point of View: Another Fabulous Article by Brock Lee

By Annabel O’Neill (6th)

Hey, peeps! I’m Brock Lee, and I’m back for another amazing interview with the people (and not people) to figure out what they think. Today’s issue: Food Debates. Let’s be clear, we are not even debating whether ketchup belongs on broccoli. Everybody knows it makes it taste 100% better. But some other foods require a bit more debate on the topic. For instance, is cereal a soup?? We can’t answer this question for ourselves. In order to answer the questions about the food, let's go to the food.

First up is our good friend, Carla the Chicken. I ran into her at Burger King (she makes a good chicken sandwich) and did this interview:

Me: Hey Carla!

Carla: Hi, Brock.

Me: I’m from CMS Scoop, and I was wondering whether you have an opinion on what the best part of you to eat is, for us human’s enjoyment.

Carla: Well Brock, I don’t really approve of anybody eating me. But if you must, I believe the drumstick is the best part. I did laps every day when I was still alive, so you’ll find them to be nice and tough. I was on our local track team, the Fast and Flightless.

Me: I bet you were very fast, but how can you run with only those stubby little legs?

Carla: … that’s just another one of life’s quirks, isn’t it, Brock?

Me: It sure is, Carla. 

There you have it, folks. Apparently, the drumstick is the best!

Next up, Chris the cereal with the longtime debate: Is Cereal a Soup? Coming to you not live from Long Words Amusement Park! He was in line for the Altruistic Amusement Ride. A weird human brought cereal in his backpack, and was taking it out to munch on. I snatched him out of his hands and did this amazing interview.

Me: What’s up, Chris?

Chris: Nothin’ much, Brock.

Me: The fans and I have a question for you. Are you a soup?

Chris: Of course not! Are any other soups cold?

Me: Gazpacho…

Chris: Good point. But do any soups not have broth?

Me: Again with the Gazpacho…

Chris: Now you’re just being difficult.

Me: Thank you!

Chris: I’ve never actually had gazpacho before.

Me: I actually have some right here, leftover from lunch. My wife, Collie Flower made it for me.

-Chris tries it-

Chris: This is amazing! Maybe cereal is a soup.

Me: huh.

Thanks Chris, for this eye-opening opinion! Next up is Joe the Hot Dog, here to tell us whether he is a sandwich or not. I saw him in the meat section of Wegmans.

Joe: No.

Me: Sorry, what did you say?

Joe: I am not a sandwich, thank you very much.

Me: I hadn’t even started talking yet!

Me: Are you… psychic? 

Joe: …

Me: Anyway… you don’t think you are a sandwich? Why?

Joe: Sandwiches have two slices of bread with something in the middle, and usually have more than just one thing in it. I am a singular slice of bread, and if you even think of slipping an extra sausage in me alongside the dog, you are a disgrace to hot dogs.

Me: Well then, I guess you feel very strongly about this, don’t you?

Joe: …

Me: Hello?

Joe: …

That was one of the stranger interviews I’ve done. And finally, to wrap it up, here’s the fabulous Dave Deep-Dish on… does pineapple belong on pizza?

Me: howdy, Dave.

Dave: Sup?

Me: I have a question for you. Does pineapple belong on pizza?

Dave: Well Brock, it all depends on your opinion. I’m fine with pineapple on me, but I prefer ripe pineapple, if applicable. Overripe just leaks into my crust, and under-ripe just sits on top.

Me: Well put, Dave.

Thank you to all of the fantabulous food who contributed to this article! A special thanks to Collie Flower. The Gazpacho was amazing! And to all my readers, keep reading, and keep eating!

Image Citation:

"Food Buffet". Accessed. 27 January 2023.