Fake Plants And Where to Find Them

By: Maeve O’Connell and Emma Eisenberg 

You walk up to a pot of lilacs at a store, and what do you find when you lean forward to smell them- NOTHING HAPPENS! You immediately walk away, right? Or are you that person who buys the fake flowers rather than the real ones that you could actually smell. 

Sure, fake plants are extremely easy to take care of (They’re literally zero effort house decorations), but wouldn’t you rather have the satisfaction of growing a little sprout from when it was only a seed? Also, fake plants don’t smell or grow, so sooner or later someone will realize that your plant is fake, and the jig is up. 

Plants don’t even need that much attention! Though if you get a stubborn one- these are usually snake plants, those stubborn brats! When a snake plant needs food, they’re like a grumpy cat when it’s hungry, they’ll hiss at you until you give them food, then retreat back into their pots. (Which is shocking to many new owners of plants, because they were probably told that the snake plants were very easy to take care of. That’s the kind of length people will go to in order to get rid of these things!)

The scientific name for fake plants is fakableus planteish and the real one is aculic planteish. Fakableus is a work derived from Gibberish meaning artificial. Aculic is from the lesser known Southern Northern Caveman meaning honest. Although fakableus might sound a little bit like the word fabulous, they're very different indeed. 

Another thing a lot of people don’t know is that the fake plant and the real plant were part of the same branch, until one day one side of the plant clan decided to leave and turn over a new leaf. So, the fake plants traveled near and far, but eventually the fake plants decided to go back to their roots, and it turns out that the seed doesn’t fall far from the dandelion, and they found themselves in the same plant colony that they once called home. 

When the fake plants came back to the real plants, they were not welcomed with open leaves. The real plants were upset. The 11 great roots held a council meeting to decide what to do with the fake plants and how to detect them before they destroy the world as we know it. One fake plant wandered in, only a little sprout. It was so innocent and the 10 of the great roots felt they could not kick out the fake plants (though the 11th root takes after his great great great great great great great ancient grandfather- one of the all powerful old ones- GRUMPY CAT.) They concluded the meaning. This turned the entire kingdom plantae into chaos.

Some plants thought that the different species should live apart, others thought that they should live together. These thoughts brought up the question, will there be fake/real hybrids other than the sprouts? (Who is the only currently known fake/real hybrid.) 

During this time of crisis, all the plants were on edge. The real plants would not allow some fake plants into their pots. The fake plants could not believe them and did the same. This created a huge rift between the plants and the plantea economy. The entire kingdom was slowly wilting. Only the sprouts, the combona relafaki (from Eridain), could make peace. They wanted to show that real and fake plants could come together. But it wasn’t as easy as the sprouts thought.

The sprout worked their petals off trying to bring the plants back together. They talked to the great roots, talked and talked, and the sprouts went out to speak to both the real and the fake plants. Finally, after an unbeleafable time, the fake plants and real ones agreed to have a meeting where all would be discussed. 

The discussion raged on for many years. Still after almost 11 years, the discussion is still not done growing. Though one of the roots is close to victory, root number 2 also known as the most indecisive still leafs the roots without a clear conclusion. 

Image:

“Fake Plant.” Amazon.com, Amazon, https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61zofaWVt5S.jpg.