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by David Hayman (7th)

A press conference was held at the pentagon last Friday, where various generals would be answering questions about the planned renovations that would turn the pentagon into a hexagon because “hexagons are the bestagons”

However, the tone of the press conference changed when General Dollar (editor's note: General Dollar wanted to make it clear he has no relation to the store)  of the united states space force said that a Chinese spy balloon was spotted over Colonial

Middle School, and recommended to the air force that they shoot down the object immediately.

However, the air force generals thought that would be a bad idea because “it could cause damage to the hotdog punch card factory below” when questioned about the school General Complaints said “oh yeah that two. But the HOT DOG PUNCH CARDS…”


Then the commander of the pacific fleet piped in “we’ll do it” he said.

“Shut up” said Secretary of defense, “We have New jersy air national guard flying in the area, let them do it.”   Lt. Douglas of the 111th attack wing said “Stay out of our state new jersey” but then- you get it.

But than, after hours of arguing, Mr. Principle of CMS walked in, and said “our f/a 18 hornet school jets have been scrambled, and are ready to shoot down the balloon.

After about 30 more minutes of yelling, (witnesses reported that the argument turned into an argument about whether Patrick Mahomes deserved the attention or not. ) the principle got a call, and then announced to the room that the balloon has been neutralized.  

The wreckage landed in the courtyard of CMS, and after further investigation it was revealed that in fact, it was actually a weather balloon set up by a 6th grade science class and was not a threat to national security.

Image Citation:

"Spy Balloon." ABC News, ABC News Media, 3 Mar. 2023.